Fated Decisions
by Angel in the Shadows36
Summary: One Shot: He made his decision. I made mine. Somewhere along the line, I fell out of love with the man of my dreams and instead found love from the last person I suspected I would. I guess some things just aren’t meant to be, while others just are.


(A/N): Hello, this is a one-shot that I've been working on for forever. No joke, I've had it saved on my computer for over four months, editing like mad, and changing bits and pieces. The reason it's been on here forever is that I wanted it to be a full-length story, but I can't succeed in capturing the mood from this chapter for others, so I've left it as a one shot, which was what it was originally meant to be.I got the idea for this in a sudden stroke of genius andtook me two-ish days to write. I loved it so much that I tried my hardest to write the rest, leaving this as the end, but it never worked out.

So, without further ado, Fated Decisions

* * *

The future I'd dreamt with my perfect man never did happen. I honestly could say that I believed Jesse and I would live happily ever after. But we didn't. Oh boy, we did not end up together happily. So much happened in between the two of us, that the final way to go was down separate paths. And that's exactly what we did. It was almost inevitable what happened. 

"Susannah"

One word.

One word was all it took to make my heart stop to freeze me.

One word, that in truth was not even a word, rather a name. My name.

That voice, saying that name, I could recognize anywhere. Even in a stadium full of rowdy fans, yelling at the top of their lungs, I'd hear that voice, despite the noise around me. That voice lured me in so deeply to the point it could hypnotize me.

I blankly gazed upon my reflection in the mirror. I couldn't see his reflection in it. And neither did I want to see it. Because if I did, there's not telling what might happen. What either one of us might do.

It'd been years. But I could still recognize that voice, the way my name was uttered from it so softly. Laced in a caring, sensitive tone. A tone, reserved only for me, I realized long ago. But why would he still use it after all this time?

"Susannah," _He_ said again.

Why now?

Why now, of all days?

I'd moved on. I thought he had too.

I at last turned around to face him. He still looked the same. As if the ripples of time had yet to affect him. It had been, after all roughly160 years or so. But he still looked the same he did 160 years ago. Granted, for 150 of those years, he'd been a ghost. The other ten, though, had not affected him at all, suffice to say. He still looked godly, even more so in the body of a grown man and not of a twenty-year old stuck in an awkward age for eternity. And that's saying something since he was unbelievably hot when he was twenty plus 150 – as a ghost.

He is still ruggedly handsome, with five o'clock shadow playing at his facial features. He's not a boy no longer, and I, well I am a grown woman. No longer a girl. I've grown. So has he. We've both grown, and we've both moved on; or so I thought. Years ago, we decided we would end things. At the time, it seemed right. And while I may not have been so sure, I had moved on after all, as hard as it may have been.

It wasn't easy, after what happened, but it did happen and there was no need denying it; so I moved on.

The years had passed and we'd rarely seen each other. So why was he back here? On the one day where I could finally declare that I had indeed moved on.

Maybe it's some sick joke, and then I will wake up again, and ten years will not have passed. I'll still be crazy in love with Jesse and he with me. I jammed my eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath before opening my eyes again. When they opened, I found myself in the very position I'd been moments earlier.

This is not a dream, so it seems. This really has happened.

Those same dark brown eyes stared on ahead at me. Sad, deep in thought, regretful even. Or maybe that's just how I am reading them; they were covered by a pair of glasses now.

"Why are you here, Jesse?" I lifted the front of my dress, so as not to step on it, or God forbid, trip over it. My heart was racing steadily, beating wildly within the confines of my chest. "It's been years." I stated simply, my tone flat. "Why are you here," I repeated, my voice sounding harsher than I ever intended it to.

"I don't know," He nodded. "I guess I needed to see if it were true. Needed to see for myself."

"But why today, Jesse?" This was too much, seeing him again. After ten long years of an absence from my life, he decided to reappear again. "You could have called earlier to confirm, not just show up out of the blue." Bemused for a second, I wondered if he could at last understand what I was saying.

"Because Susannah, I-" He stopped himself from whatever it was he going to say. Whatever it was, he better say it soon, I didn't have much longer. I needed to get going. "I-I… never mind, Susannah."

"No, Jesse, say it now." I knew what exactly it was he was trying to say. I knew it full and well. I just needed to hear it for myself, to confirm that he too, had not stopped thinking about me in these past ten years. I _needed_ to hear it, for my sake.

I ignored the promise ring on my hand, the butterflies in my stomach, everything else. Everything that had lead up to this one day in my life. For one instant, all I wanted was to focus on the past. What could have been had that past turned out differently.

"Susannah, I can't. I'm too late now." His voice faltered, struggling.

"I don't care, Jesse. Just say it." I needed to know. I just did.

What difference it would make? Who knew? But I needed to hear it. I looked at him with what I hoped to be pleading eyes, hoping to break down that barrier. Hoping he could confide in me like he used to. Out of pure nerves, my hand shot up to the pendant encircling my neck and I fiddled with it. Jesse noticed and had something that closely resembled a small smile tugging at his lips.

He sighed, a deep hearty release of breath. Taking steps closer to me, he crossed the expanse of the room so he was no further than a foot or so away from me. His hand came to my bare shoulder. The feeling of his fingers caused a tingling sensation release itself in my body. He still had that effect on me, even after all these years. "You look stunning." A lazy smile spread out across his lips, and I returned that smile.

Removing his hand from my shoulder he took one solid step back, "_Querida,_" He used that word again. The word that had been music to my ears so long ago. A serenade for only me. _Dearest one, beloved._ I'd been his _querida_ since the very beginning. Not long after I'd met him, haunting my old bedroom.

"No, don't call me that, Jesse. You can't anymore," I said, a sudden anger thriving to life over that one word.

"I'm sorry, Susannah, it slipped my mind."

"You lost your privilege to call me that when you left up me, Jesse."

"Susannah, again, I am sorry. I was not thinking clearly, I got lost in my thoughts. I did not mean to anger you. You shouldn't be angry today, I apologize."

My anger dissipated as quickly as it had come. His apology seemed sincere enough, heartfelt. "It's alright. It's… I just got angry really easy over it for no reason," I answered sheepishly.

"It's quite alright, it was my fault, too."

"What did you want Jesse?" I asked, changing the subject. "There's got to be a reason you suddenly reappear in my life again after ten years. What is it?" I'm dying to know here.

"I came to tell you…." He was nervous, that much I could tell. And really, who wouldn't? Proclaiming their love to a person they had not seen in years?

"I came to tell you that I-I…. I never stopped loving you."

There. It was said, and I'd been right about it. I knew _it_!

"Neither did I, Jesse," I answered honestly. My heart felt like it would spring right on out of my chest as I confessed this hidden truth.

Not since the day you left have I stopped thinking about you, Jesse. You were my life. I gave everything for you. You are my _'One eternal love that will last a lifetime.'_ Those words never sounded truer before. Because I knew deep within my heart that no matter what, despite everything, I could never stop loving Jesse.

So what was I doing today? Marrying a man that, while I did love, I could never love the same way I loved Jesse? Even if Jesse ultimately led to the strongest heartbreak I will ever experience? He may have broken my heart, but I will never stop loving him.

His eyes glimmered with hope, as if I'd just said I would not get married today after all. But like I said, I _have_ moved on. And I will continue to do so.

I stepped in that much closer to him. His scent immediately overtook me. My head tilted up, to look up into his dark pools of eyes, and his head was downcast, looking into my own eyes. Our heads, only two inches apart, lingered like that for a while. I could feel him breathing on me, his warm breath tickling my upper lip. I was still a free woman, I could still kiss him… just for one last taste. My lips began to part, and so did his.

As soon as he realized what he was doing, however, he stepped away, looking ashamed. I too stepped back, averting my gaze from his, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks.

Damn him for still having this effect on me.

"So…" I started casually to break the tension between us. But I did not have much to say after 'so.'

How had he known, anyway? My lack of staying in contact with him had resulted in not inviting him to my wedding. Yet, here he was.

"How did you know, anyway? That I'd be getting married today?" I asked, at last forming a whole though and complete sentence.

"Do you really need to ask? Father Dominic. He informed me of this. While you and I may have cut off acquaintances I kept in touch with Father Dominic. He told me last week after Sunday mass."

Of course Father Dominic would have told Jesse. He'd often told me how Jesse was doing, and I'd hung on to every word, needing to know how Jesse was. But not once had I dared asking for a number or an address. That night, when Jesse and I went our separate ways, it'd been the hardest thing I'd ever dealt with. And I never wanted to put myself through it again. So I did it by cutting off any forms of communication with him. I freed myself from all emotional ties with him.

"Did he tell you who?" Fear gripped my voice, because if he knew who, it would break my heart. I was going to marry his old bitter sworn enemy.

His expression, save his eyes, became unreadable, unfazed. In his eyes, I saw the hurt, the anger, the fury. Most of all, his eyes conveyed the heartbreak. A betryal so strong, it tore me on the inside, ripping away at the pits of my soul. Of course, I shouldn't have expected anything less. With his fists clenched at his sides, he nodded. "Yes," was all he said, his voice laced by a bitterness that had replaced the kindness it earlier entailed.

Paul had been there to console me that night and thereafter. The night Jesse left me, and I him. Paul found me, worthlessly crying my eyes out on the beach. It'd been almost too coincidental they way it happened. He'd been out running, by a beach nowhere near his home. He heard me crying –well, someone- so he went to casually see what it was. When he saw me, he held me in his arms until I no longer uttered a sound. He didn't pry for information. He waited patiently for me to stop crying, the material of his shoulder, soaked from my crying.

Things from there developed. We were on and off for years. It wasn't until last year that we officially committed to each other. Following a very drunken night shared between the both of us, he shocked us both that next day. We were strolling past a jewelry shop having just had a lunch together when he went in to take a look. I followed him, and then he told me to pick one out. 'One what?' I'd asked, and he nodded over at the engagement ring display. "Pick out a ring, Suze."

I looked at him, shocked, not knowing how to respond. I had not been expecting this. We'd just agreed to go into an official relationship that morning. At that point in time, I was actually sort of dating a guy from my office, Tom Alderman. Paul was dating someone too, Shannon Brown. But that day when we decided to start a real relationship, things led to one thing then to another, and thus we ended up in that shop and Paul bought me an engagement ring then and there.

But, in the shop, before I knew what was happening, I took a look anyway. Paul trailed along me behind the store as I looked over each ring. Then, amongst the sea of rings, one stood out. It didn't have an overly huge diamond or anything. But it was perfect. Paul immediately followed my gaze, and told the clerk to take it out. When I tried the ring for size, it was absolutely stunning, perfect.

"So, do you want to?" Paul asked as I looked I stared at him lost in confusion. "Get married, I mean." Paul looked me deep in the eyes, as he awaited my response. His blue gaze never faltered, until I at last nodded.

"Yeah," At this point in my life, I had no plans of marriage, of commitment. But it all somehow fit. After all, I'd known him since I was sixteen, and when I was in the shop that day, my 29th birthday was nearing.

"So, we're really going to do this? Get married?"

"Yeah, I want to," And as I uttered those words, my lips rose into a smile. I took a hold of Paul's hands and drew him into me, and kissed him on the lips briefly before turning our attention to the sales clerk.

"We'll take it," I stated. The ring was plain and simple. A silver band with a princess cut diamond smack dab in the center that cut into the band. The diamond was practically hovering in position.

"A perfect choice," The clerk went on to explain, as I am sure he does to every other customer, what makes this ring so special. When he rang up the ring, he bid us well; congratulating us and wishing us luck.

And it had all come together like that. We were engaged for about three weeks before we told anyone. He'd ordered a special engraving that took about two weeks to get done, and then another week went by before anyone noticed. I guess I didn't say anything because I didn't quite believe it myself at that point. But, here I am to become Susannah Slater.

No one seemed to take notice of the ring that had taken place on my finger, until one day when I went out to lunch with Cee Cee and my mom. Cee was the first to notice. I told her to hush up about it, that mom didn't know. My mom noticed the weirdness between us and at last noticed the ring.

Paul or I didn't say anything sooner, I guess because it happened so spontaneously, so suddenly, and we weren't quite sure if it was happening was real; if this marriage would really happen at all. My mom nearly had a heart attack from the joy, shock, or happiness, take your pick. She hugged me like crazy, holding on to me tightly, as if she wasn't ready to give up her little girl quite yet. But when I told her I'd been engaged for quite a while, or at least known about it for three weeks, she was a bit disappointed that we hadn't said anything sooner.

She got over it though, and went head on into party planner mode.

So here I am, now. A year later and I am at last getting married to a man who I do love. Just not the man I'll love eternally. Yeah, the whole "till death do us part" is there. It is. But the love I have for Jesse just runs so deep within my heart. And nothing will ever replace it.

"Why, Susannah? Why him, of everyone else on this earth?" His voice was now laced with harshness, bitterness. Not for me, but for Paul.

"Because he has been there for me, Jesse. These last ten years, he's been there. He was there for me when you couldn't be." I hadn't meant to be so harsh, but it came it out harsh anyway. Jesse instinctively flinched, my words biting hard.

"I-I… I'll go now, Susannah," he said, crestfallen. "I'm sorry and good luck." He began to leave, but I called to him and stopped him.

"Wait." I said quickly. He stopped and turned to look at me. His eyebrow, the one with the scar through it rose in query.

"Yes," he replied softly, and most of all hopefully. I didn't say anything and instead unlatched the pendant around my neck, taking it carefully into my hands.

I took his hand in mine, and set the necklace inside his hand, then closed it shut. Sadly, I explained, "I don't need it anymore, Jesse. I can't keep it anymore."

Sadly, but understanding, he nodded. Wordlessly he left just as swiftly as he had come escaping through the front door. I thought my heart would break again in that moment, but it didn't.

I sat on the couch in the small church room, my dress splayed all around me. A light knock sounded at the door. "Suze?"

"Come in," I called. Andy stepped through the door.

"Ready, Suze?" He beamed at me, displaying an expression that I'm sure would have matched my father's own. Only, my father was not here anymore. So Andy would be leading me down the aisle. He'd been overjoyed when I'd asked him if he could be the one to do so. He didn't have any daughters of his own, so I'm sure I'd made his day.

"Ready as I'll be." I answered confidently, or at least what I hoped sounded confident. "How about you… dad?" I tried the word, liking the way it sounded coming from my lips.

"I'm ready too, Suze." He smiled warmly at me, holding out his arm for me to take. Graciously accepting it, he led me out in to the hallway of the church. The two ushers at the wooden doors smiled, waiting for the signal to open the doors.

Just beyond, I could see the whole wedding congregation. The best man, groomsmen, my maid of honor, bridesmaid, everyone; they all headed the church. There was also a figure huddled on the very front, and I knew it was my mom, already teary-eyed before anything actually began.

The church looked truly beautiful. Flowers of different colors swirled together, stray petals lining the aisle as well as the decorations. Seeing the sight that lay before my eyes, I knew that this was the best decision; marrying Paul, I mean. Upon thinking that, I was struck suddenly with butterflies in my stomach that had faded in the time that I saw Jesse. They came back full force, but I ignored them, knowing this was the best option.

The ushers at the doors opened the doors. The collective sound of people rising rang through the church, and the organ player began to play a slow, gentle song. I wondered for a second if I'd imagined the whole Jesse debacle.

I looked at Andy one last time, smiled and hugged him lightly. We stepped through the magnificent doors of the Carmel Mission church. The Wedding March began playing. All eyes were on me, at least 200 pairs, but I could only feel one, gazing longingly at me, that I could separate from the rest of the crowd. I turned my head in that direction, and there, in the farthest corner, leaning against the wall stood Jesse. So I had seen him, after all. His eyes, never left me, I know that much, even after I turned away from him. His gaze was strong enough it could burn a hole through me. The church was filled with all of my closest friends and family, Paul's too.

At the end of the aisle, awaiting me, I saw Paul waiting for me. An expression on his face that could never match any other deliciously covered his features. His eyes were alit with joy, twinkling in their iridescent blue. The smug smirk always playing on his face was replaced by a genuine smile. Andy left me at the altar, kissing my hand gently and going to join my mother on the pew, whose face was already tear streaked. I smiled, knowing that my mom was truly the only person who could love me unconditionally.

Paul took my hand, and pulled me towards him, whispering lightly, "You look so gorgeous." I smiled at him, and mouthed, "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Dearly beloved," Came Father Dominic's clear voice over the crowd. "We are gathered here today to join this man, and this woman in holy matrimony." And so the service began.

The warmth in Father Dominic's voice caressed me, and happiness filled every inch of my body. Here I was, about to marry someone I loved in front of everyone I loved. Even the priest holding the service was someone I loved. He was a man I'd known for so long, and my marriage would not be the same if it weren't Father Dominic performing the service. He no longer even did services, he was too old now, to continue performing them. But when I asked him, he had agreed, honored that we'd asked him to perform the service for us.

"Through marriage, Paul Slater and Susannah Simon make a commitment together to face their disappointments – embrace their dreams – realize their hopes – and accept each other's failures. Paul Slater and Susannah Simon will promise one another to aspire to these ideals throughout their lives together – through mutual understanding – openness – and sensitivity to each other."

Father Dominic proceeded with a sermon about Paul and I; how he'd watched us grow up since we were in high school, and how our love had bloomed since then. It was really touching, on all the points he made. This was why I could not imagine a wedding performed by another priest. Father Dominic had watched us grow up, and he knew us very well. He'd become an almost father-figure to the both of us, and a dear friend indeed. When he stopped talking after at least ten minutes, the wedding vows took place.

"Do you Paul Slater take Susannah Simon to be your wife – to love and to hold – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Paul answered with certainty, never straying his gaze from my eyes.

"And do you, Susannah Simon take Paul Slater to be your husband – to love and to hold – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," I answered with same certainty Paul had voiced.

Father Dominic cleared his throat, before speaking again, "Paul, in placing this ring on Susannah Simon's finger, repeat after me: Susannah, you are now consecrated to me as my wife from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed."

Paul carefully repeated the words Father Dom spoke, placing the ring upon my finger at the end.

Father Dom smiled, before turning to me, "Susannah, in placing this ring on Paul Slater's finger, repeat after me: Paul, you are now consecrated to me as my husband from this day forward and I give you this ring as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity and with this ring, I thee wed."

So I repeated the words, finishing by placing the ring on Paul's finger.

"In as much as Paul Slater and Susannah Simon have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.

"And so, by the power vested in me by the State of California and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife," Turning to Paul, Father Dom finished with, "You may now kiss the bride."

Paul took hold of my hand, drawing me in to him. His lips met mine with shocking force, and claps erupted. My arms wrapped around his head, as I returned the kiss. When we broke the kiss, our foreheads leaned against each other, gazing right into each other's eyes, smiling broadly. "I love you, Paul," I said, forgetting about my earlier visit from Jesse. I heard the camera man snapping pictures, but I was too lost in my happiness to notice.

"I love you, too, Suze," Paul said, caressing my cheek. "This is it, at last, Suze. You and I, we're married."

"I know," I said breathing heavily, my heart beat at last subsiding. "I can't believe it."

We broke apart, where a million flashes greeted us from cameras and photographers. Putting up his arm, Paul led me down the aisle, as I took in all the faces of the people gathered here for us. Only, this time, I noticed one face in particular was missing. His deep brown eyes missing in the throngs of people.

The reception was held, of all places, at the Pebble Beach Resort, where our crazy relationship first begun. Every second since then had eventually led to this one moment, the last one I ever dreamt would have happened. To marriage; with Paul Slater. But now, as we stood together, at last married, it made sense. And it felt right. Because, if maybe Jesse had never been apart of the greater picture then, well, chances are, this is where I would have ended up with Paul anyway and possibly earlier. Or maybe, had Jesse not left, I'd be marrying him instead. There is no knowing, only what has happened.

I'd always been attracted to Paul, even though I would never even have admitted it to myself. The old love triangle that had ensued only made me believe in being with Jesse. Now here I was standing opposite a man who wasn't Jesse, rather his enemy.

The reception was truly beautiful. It was held out on the beach, catered by the hotel. The palm trees were wrapped in twinkling lights. There were, tacky as it may be, tiki poles lighting up the area as well. And all the tables were alighted with candle centerpieces.

The sun was setting over the ocean, setting up the mood to be light and romantic. Back in New York, I'd always imagined a beach wedding, but there it didn't seem possible since there weren't any real beaches nearby. But here in Carmel, my dream had come true.

"So Mrs. Slater, how do you feel?"

"Happy, Paul. Happy."

"Good, because I do too. I don't want this to be a mistake, something we decided on the spur of the moment."

"What would make you think that?"

"Well, everything that led up to this, really."

I kissed him lightly on the lips, "Don't ever think that."

"So, you don't regret this one bit?"

I knew what he was talking about, where this conversation was leading too.

"I saw him today," I ignored his question.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, really, I guess. Except he told me he still loved me. And I told him, too. But he's not the one I'm marrying, Paul. If I hadn't wanted this, then I would have said no right there in the store."

"Is that all?"

"Yeah, it is. He left shortly after. Or well, he left the room. I saw him out there, amongst all our guests. But he was gone at the end. That's all." I drew him close for another kiss.

"I love you, Suze. And I hope someday you'll love me like you loved him."

"I believe I will, Paul."

"That's good enough for me."

He pulled me into his arms, and I carefully shifted to rest on his chest. We were sitting at our table, the table of honor. And from here, we could see everyone, talking and laughing and eating. Everyone enjoying themselves: our friends and family.

The whole reception went by so quickly. Before I knew it, our wedding day was over, and we were in the suite at the hotel.

The toast, the first dance, the celebration in general was over with. And Paul and I started our life together. The past, well, the past is just that; the past. And despite everything that happened we were together at last.

"Ready?" Paul asked. And I nodded, ready to begin our lives together.

**THE END**

* * *

If I can work out the way I want to continue this, I will. But I don't guarantee anything. I've tried my hardest trying to write the rest, and it can never reach the same quality. It would work out, too, if I continued, since I want to tell the story in reverse order from how it ended to how it began. That's why its complicated... 

Sorry if there are some inconsistencies you may have noted, I did edit this over and over. But, I'm pretty sure there are none. Hopefully, anyway.

Now, you know what to do: press the purtiful purple button and review. Please, flames accepted, too. Structured criticism also welcomed... blah, blah, blah... you know. Just review, k?

Love, Kim


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